after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
