5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
