If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
