i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
