Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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