i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
