He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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