I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
