I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
