we're blogging at a bar
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
