It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
