He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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