i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
