one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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