I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
