A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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