this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
