Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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