Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
