i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there is glitter all over my balls
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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