I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
