I am full of burrito and curiosity
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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