based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
