so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
