I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
