I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
