Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
