she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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