I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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