He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
