Just fell off a train. Bad.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
