dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
