At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
