The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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