What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
