Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
