Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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