What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
