So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
