It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
