I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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