i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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