He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
