What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
