On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
