I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
