Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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