so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
