why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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