my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
