...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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