The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
