Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
