just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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