this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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