I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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