I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
