Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
